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MY DAUGHTER...A PORN STAR?

Posted by Lynne Martin on Friday, 16 March 2012

Many who have read my novel READY, SET, ACTION! and others who have read my blogs have repeatedly asked me what I would do if I found out my own daughter had been working in Adult Films?

I let the idea stew for a while, reaching deep inside myself for an emotional hook-up, the way authors sometimes do when forging a new connection with a character.

The emotions that eventually surfaced honestly made me sick to my stomach. The thought of my own daughter, the young girl who I’d fought to protect as a child, and struggled to educate as a teenager, working in porn...it was beyond my comprehension.

My analytical side quickly began to tally our personal assets. Would selling our home, boat, and any other accumulated possessions be enough to buy the rights to all the films she’d already worked in? My god, I’d have to move fast to get her face and body out of the circulating pool of pornography. She was my baby. I needed to immediately stop the distribution. We’d live in a tent if necessary as long as I could buy up all the rights. I know my husband would agree; he’s a very protective kind of man.

But beyond alleviating any further sales, I’d have to face her. I’d have to ask my daughter what I did wrong...why she’d allow other men, and women, and (oh god this is awful) foreign objects, to violate her orifices on film for pay? I'd really need to know.

What could I have said or done differently to make my daughter love herself enough to say NO to porn? Of course, I’d temporarily revert to the ‘Blame Game’. Demanding to know who hauled her screaming and kicking into this life of debauchery. She was a good girl, a top student, loved and appreciated by friends and family alike. She wouldn’t have walked willingly into this life. Porn stars were strangers from other cities. Not my daughter!

“My daughter would never do something like this! She’s better than that,” I’d cry to anyone willing to listen. “I know, it’s gotta be the drugs,” I’d confess late at night to my husband. “Someone got her hooked on something, and now she’s an addict. She didn’t really know what she was doing," I'd try to consol myself.

But eventually, the gnawing questions would begin to surface. What if she wasn’t coerced, or intoxicated during filming? What if my daughter was working in Adult Films by choice? That was the scariest thought of all.

How do you save an adult child who consciously, soberly, and with sane thoughts, chooses a life of obvious INSANITY?

How would I tell her grandparents, her aunts and uncles, or even her brother? Then the thought struck me with the force of a lightning bolt.

“What if people already knew?” I cried to my husband. “What if someone had seen our daughter having group-sex in a dirty movie? What about the guys at work,” I shouted up into my husband’s face. “You told me they watch porn and buy the magazines. How can you go back and face them?”

These thoughts honestly bring tears to my eyes even as I type it out. I can’t speak as my phone rings, so I have no choice but to ignore it and continue stabbing at my keyboard.

As you can plainly see, I have given serious thought to what I would do if my daughter was a porn star. The thought is sickening, sending tumbling waves of nausea rolling through my stomach even now as I near the end of my post. 

I do not blame the parent of a porn star anymore than I congratulate the parent of a celebrity. Mistakes and sacrifices are made during every child’s upbringing, and we all pray that our children chose lifestyles that will not hurt or damage them. As tempting as the lure of money and stardom can be, as a mother, I would rather my daughter clean cages at the dog track, than offer her body for sexual entertainment.

I’ve heard some educated, and well spoken women argue that pornography is not damaging for all, and staring in adult films has actually been a positive experience and financial stepping stone for a percentage of actors and actresses.

Yeah, whatever...you’re all entitled to your opinion.

I just want to be clear that I don’t think any woman benefits from having an aggressive male wrap a massive hand around her throat while he anally pounds her without a condom before releasing in her mouth. (NOTE: This scene is from a prominent video on one of the Top 10 pornographic video sites offering free access, no age requirements, and no credit card necessary for instant downloads) I’m not even going to touch on the Fetish Porn Sites.

So now, even after all my research, I still don’t have a definitive answer as to why some intelligent, beautiful, and articulate young women film pornography. All I know is how I would feel and react if MY DAUGHTER WAS A PORN STAR.

Just for the record, my daughter is a happily married professional with her own loving family, and I think I need to pick up the phone and call her right now.

Lynne Martin

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PORN STARS VS. HOUSEWIVES

Posted by Lynne Martin on Friday, 24 February 2012

When I wrote my first blog titled MY YEAR WITH A PORN STAR, I never realized just how strongly it would affect a percentage of my readers. I knew the topic was controversial, but to the point of ‘calling me out’ and demanding a retraction...well that had been totally unexpected.

One camp, the professional porn stars, feel that I did not accurately portray a fair cross-section of their community, accusing me of just trotting out another of society’s stereotypical versions of an adult film star.

The other camp, the stay-at-home housewives, felt that I portrayed them as naive, uninformed, and living their lives totally removed from reality. Neither were satisfied with my portrayals, and demanded that I pull my blog.

In response, I’ve decided to list a collection of RIDICULOUS MYTHS that seem to follow both camps. These are myths that I’ve been subjected to my entire life from my contemporaries, modern media, and even through professionally published annals and learned educators. Let’s see if you’ve heard any of the following.

PORN STAR MYTHOLOGY

  1. Porn Stars are all bleach-bottle blondes with oversized silicone implants,  fake tans, fake nails, fake names, fake personas, and of course...fake orgasms.
  2. Porn Stars are all addicted to either one form or another of illegal, or, prescription drugs.
  3. Porn Stars are uneducated, have low I.Q.’s, and really have no other career options other than having sex for money on film.
  4. Porn Stars are also strippers by day and prostitutes by night.
  5. Porn Stars are continually plagued with a wide range of sexually transmitted diseases and will eventually die of AIDS.
  6. Porn Stars all suffer from either anorexia or bulimia and combine diet pills with liposuction to maintain their camera-ready-bodies.
  7. Porn Stars are all looking for someone to swoop in and rescue them from their predicament.
  8. Porn Stars rarely come from anything other than dysfunction families, and then continue the cycle with their own children.
  9. Porn Stars have never worked a day in their lives and spend all waking hours lounging between silk sheets, waiting for their next sexual encounter.
  10. Porn Stars party all night with musicians and celebrities, snorting cocaine and drinking champagne.
  11. Porn Stars are washed up in the business at the age of 21, and usually end up finishing their careers in mock snuff films.
  12. Porn Stars are incapable of long term relationships, as nobody can trust someone who has sex for a living.
  13. Porn Stars are all bi-sexual and will have sex with anyone, at anytime.
  14. Porn Stars all ‘find religion’ when they retire to help deal with their guilt after years of debauchery and immorality.

 

HOUSEWIFE MYTHOLOGY:

  1. Housewives are all fat, lazy, unmotivated, couch potatoes with ponytails, raggedy sweatpants, and food stained tee-shirts.
  2. Housewives continually blame their exploding waste lines on lingering baby weight, bad thyroids, or fluctuating hormones.
  3. Housewives stuff their faces with chocolate, tranquilizers, and their kids leftovers by day; and then top it all off with red wine and a sleeping pills by night.
  4. Housewives are too lazy to hold down a real job, and choose to stay at home and pop out babies instead of working for a living and contributing to the family pot.
  5. Housewives all secretly hate their lives.
  6. Housewives are incapable of sexually satisfying, or pleasing their husbands.
  7. Housewives would run off tomorrow with the first hard body that proposed an affair.
  8. Housewives are desperate for attention, and spend hours online searching for anyone who’ll listen to their whining.
  9. Housewives have no ambitions, and as soon as the kids are off to school, they crawl back into bed and sleep till noon.
  10. Housewives are best kept at home, as most husbands are embarrassed of their wives anyway.
  11. Housewives usually end up divorced and living on court ordered payments, as their husbands eventually upgrade for a younger, better looking wife.
  12. Housewives spend their afternoons watching talk shows and reminiscing about how beautiful and popular they were back in high school.
  13. Housewives don’t even enjoy sexual intimacy, and would rather watch reality television and stuff themselves full of ice cream.
  14. Housewives have absolutely nothing happening in their own lives, so spend hours sharing gossip on the phone, living vicariously through others. 

 

Whether you personally know a porn star, a housewife, make a living in the adult film industry, or are a stay-at-home mom, I’m sure you can see how absolutely ridiculous this compiled list actually is. These are all horrible myths. They are hurtful, demeaning, and stereotypical. These samples of society’s prevailing mythology are not accurate representations of either group.

To recognize the mythology from one camp, we must be willing to acknowledge that there is corresponding mythology attached to the other camp.

In closing...every porn star I’ve ever spoken to has had some horrible experiences and at times second guessed their career paths and business associates. But to assume that all listed myths can be assigned to every single actor in the industry is a ludicrous concept.

It’s as ludicrous as assuming that every single housewife has her feet up on the coffee table with a sink full of dirty dishes while her kids are screaming for her attention as she flips through the television channels looking for her favorite soap opera.

Stereotypes are detrimental to those who perpetrate them, and to those who are conned into believing them. I do not recommend a career in the adult entertainment industry or recommend that women should be stay-at-home housewives. I believe that the choice is very personal, and should be made on an individual basis.

Lynne Martin

I have priced my eBook at just $1.99 to reach as many Kindle, Kobo, Nook, and I-Pad readers as possible. I would love to share my experience with you, and for just two dollars, you can delve into the ‘behind the scenes’ world of a porn star.

kindle version: Amazon.com

softcover version: Amazon.com

www.chapters.indigo.ca

www.barnesnoble.com

See my Order Books page for alternate versions of my novels.

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My Year With A Porn Star

Posted by Lynne Martin on Wednesday, 01 February 2012

I was already in my early forties, had amassed a decent collection of passport stamps, and overall, considered myself to be a fairly well educated and socially informed woman.

In retrospect, I had lived my life in a middleclass-bubble.

So as I pulled up a chair next to the young woman I had volunteered to mentor in an adult literacy program, I had absolutely no idea that I was about to receive the most profound education of my life.

Alexandra B. struggled to read at a fifth grade level, had dropped out of the public school system sometime in her early teens, and hadn't held a permanent street address for at least five years. Alexandra worked in the porn industry...and she made her living right in the very corner of the city that I called home.

You see, I really wasn't a prude. My husband brought home the odd Penthouse and Playboy magazines, and during my exploration of the internet, I'd even seen my fair share of women tied up in full bondage gear and men having sex with other men. One of my closest friends was even in a long term, same-sex relationship. Hell, by all accounts, I thought I was a modern woman.

I'd just never met a flesh and blood person before who'd actually paid their bills by having sex on film. To me these women had always been nameless, interchangeable bleach blondes, with silicone enhanced bodies and gymnastic like abilities. Jenna Jameson and Ron Jeremy had been the two most popular names that instantly came to mind whenever I had heard the word porn.

I always imagined that porn stars were consenting adults who lived somewhere else, doing unspeakable things to each other's bodies, all tucked far away from the safety of my own neighbourhood.

But the petite brunette sitting quietly at my side lived in a motel room only ten minutes from my own home. A room she'd paid for with the cash she earned filming hardcore XXX pornography in a rental property just walking distance from my children's old school.

"You really gotta be able to take a lot of pain, and not get nauseated," she suddenly blurted out one afternoon. "If you're a whiner and gag really easy, you'll never make it in porn."

Then without invitation or reservation, Alexandra continued on, explaining that the men who watched XXX movies never really wanted to know what it was like for the women who performed the sexual acts for their entertainment.

How the dank smell of naked asses and sweaty armpits always hung like a cloud over the shoot. And how after hours of nonstop pounding of 'flesh on flesh', with bodily fluids rubbed into every damp crevice for extra measure, the actors sticky skin seemed to want to crawl right off their bodies.

Alexandra obviously wanted me to understand ...so in the middle of that crowded room for the next eleven and a half months, we took turns sharing. I offered up my knowledge of sentence structure and vocabulary, Alexandra, her secrets of life as a porn star.

She started at the beginning, of how she'd met a guy on an Internet dating site at eighteen, and after willingly smoking harder drugs than the pot she was normally accustomed to, Alexandra's date had taken her to watch the filming of a music video.

When the supposed video suddenly turned into a XXX film shoot, she was way too stoned and easily intimidated to put up much of a fight. Years later, Alexandra learned that directors regularly troll those very sites for lonely young women. Chatting, dating, and eventually introducing them to pornography...with the assistance of mind numbing drugs of course.

So I had to ask her about these illegal drugs...wondering how much dope it would take before a young woman even considered such a demoralizing occupation.

Alexandra was very matter of fact about her present addiction. "I don't use dope to party no more...I just use it to survive. Without it, I couldn't take all the pain on my body, or the pain in my heart."

In retrospect, it seems the most difficult recollection for Alexandra had to be the first time she saw video footage of her own exposed body performing on the director's laptop. The scene was ugly, and dirty, and she said that she knew right then and there that nobody would ever look at her the same again. She was now trash, and the only chance she'd have from this day onwards to support herself was to make more, disgusting pornos, where strangers abused her orifices for cash.

I mentally forced myself to sit at that table week after week, sickened by her realities, seriously considering dropping the literacy program just to escape her revelations. But somehow, I sensed that Alexandra's need to share...trumped my unwillingness to hear what she had to say.

Over the span of that year, we eventually managed to bring her reading comprehension up to a ninth grade level, but then some new boyfriend took her off to Vancouver, B.C., and she completely dropped off my radar.

Alexandra B. managed to open my eyes to the reality of life as a porn star, and if she should ever stumble across this blog...I wish her nothing but happiness and would like her to know that I still care.

My novel, Ready, Set, Action! is a raw and extremely graphic look into the lives of pornographers, their clientele, and the prevalent drug use surrounding the industry.

Told with gritty realism, the characters reveal the seedy and less than erotic truth about the porn business. I promise that you'll never forget Lillian Cardinal, and you'll give thanks every day that she's not your daughter...your sister...or your best friend.

I have priced my eBook at just $1.99 to reach as many Kindle, Kobo, and I-Pad Tablet readers as possible. I would love to share my experience with you, and for just two dollars, you can delve into the 'behind the scenes' world of a porn star.

www.amazon.com www.chapters.indigo.ca barnesandnoble.com

"You don't move up in porn, you actually start at the top and lose value every second after. You'll never be as young, as innocent, or as unseen as you are in your first feature. Nothing else you have to offer will ever compare to your 'freshness' in the industry."

Lynne Martin

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